Picture of Harry indicating the size of his wallet.

Speech for my friend Harry Pass on the occasion of his birthday.

Knowing Harry can enrich your life.

(by Grant Scott)

Harry is a great guy. I really value my relationship with Harry because he has enriched my life. He can enrich your life too. Let me explain.

Let’s be honest, the reason that we all like Harry is that we get free ice cream. There is nothing better than having an “in” with the guy that owns Kel’s Cream. I tell my kids to always be nice to Harry because paying for your own ice cream is no way to live. We should all renew our vows to be nice to Harry because there are lots of other freebies to be had. Freebies, that over time, can make you rich. Harry pays for everything at Clarke’s Trading Post, Harry pays for everything at the movies, at ball games and at restaurants. Harry does free real estate closings and will even give you a free “homestead”. I don’t know what a “homestead” is but Harry gave me one. He said it was a good thing, there was a fee but he would take care of it … no big deal. Perfect, sign me up.

It is good to be short of cash when you go shopping with Harry. He always has a big wad of cabbage in denominations of no less than 20. I would recommend that you always take Harry along with you when you nip out for bagels but be sure to leave your wallet at home. You pick out the bagels, order some cream cheese, a muffin or two, go to the check out and step up to pay …. then you say the magic words … “oh darn it, I left my wallet at home” ….. everyone please repeat after me …. “OH DARN IT, I LEFT MY WALLET AT HOME”. Very good. Harry will then pull out the wad and pony up a 20 ….. “HARRY …. PLEASE HAND ME A 20. Thanks” (pockets the 20). Please notice just how easy this is. He never expects change because of the “nothing less than a 20 rule”. You should easily be able to pocket a 10 spot every time you shop for bagels with Harry. If you take Harry out on a bagel run just once per month over the next 20 years, you could trouser some serious moolah …. 10 dollars times 12 months times 20 years …. you get the idea.

In addition to shopping with Harry it is good to get in the habit of inviting him over for Chinese food. He will always offer to bring the food and he will bring so much that you should be able to feed left-overs to the family, the neighbors and the dog for at least a week. This isn’t rocket science but it all adds up.

Don’t forget vacations. I would recommend that we all go on vacation with Harry once every two years. Harry will rent you a timeshare for half of the going rate, he will buy groceries for the entire condo association and he will buy inflatable pool toys for your whole family. Follow my simple rules and going on holiday with Harry will cost you less than staying at home!

If you leverage your present relationship with Harry, get disciplined and follow my simple 4 STEP PROGRAM … “Kel’s, Bagels, Chinese, Vacations” you can have your life enriched by Harry.

Happy birthday Harrold.